Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
