dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
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