brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
