batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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