I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
