I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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