Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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