ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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