The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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