oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
