i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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