Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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