Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
