can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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