gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
