I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
