So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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