hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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