hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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