Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
