do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
