there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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