made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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