When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We left the knife in your bed.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
