do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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