At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
and she was petting her beer can
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
