Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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