You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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