You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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