We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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