Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
