I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
