he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So vagazzling was a success
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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