just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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