no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
