and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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