I think I won the penis lottery.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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