I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
