i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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