things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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