so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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