Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
