it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
