you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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