Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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