Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
