he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
he high fived his dick after we had sex
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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