i was rollin on her like bob the builder
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Pants are for mortals
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
