It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
