he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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