my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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