I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just puked most of my soul out..
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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