You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
