I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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