I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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