I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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