Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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