I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
