So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I smell like Dick and happiness
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
