Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
