Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Randomize
