It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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