To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
