i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize