He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
BRING THE BAGELS
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
