Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
