I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
