Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
