Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Never joke about your clitoris.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
