my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
