Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
