i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize