OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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