i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
