Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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