they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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