I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
sarcasm needs its own font
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
