i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
