My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
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