I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
