the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
