i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
