You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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