I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize