Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
