my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
