I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
