I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
