I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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