please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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