Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
