Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I need to align my fucking chakras
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
