put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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