I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
