Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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