After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
third nipple confirmed
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
