the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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