why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
