I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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