i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
