I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
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