I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
