her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
