Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
