In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
